LANGLEY: I'm Dreaming of a BLOODY Christmas

Mr. Langley…Your child is missing. Your child is with us. Your child is safe… For now.

Mr. Langley, details of our demands have been sent to you several times now, and still you have done nothing? You have failed to enact even one of our requests. This is unacceptable. It appears to us that you intend to take the Christ out of Christmas once and for all. And we are saddened, Mr. Langley. Deeply saddened, by your lack of compassion.

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As you can see, your child is in mortal danger. The vacuum above is a full 12 Amps, one of the most powerful consumer models, and we’ve customized it to include a shredder attachment (just out of frame). Just know that it would make quick work of your child, even if there isn’t a bag in the vacuum, or if the bag is full.